Working with Kids and Adults

By Jean Colvin
Writer/Consultant
Wisconsin Youth Company

When you engage a child it means you are present—you see them, you hear them, you look at them, and you convey interest and concern for them. Engaging children is the best way to provide a safe space in which they can grow. It’s the same with adults. For relationships and conversations to be meaningful we have to “show up” or really be there listening and observing.

Everybody, even young children, bring “baggage” with them—fears about not being liked, being misunderstood, old patterns and ways of behaving that worked in other situations but that may not be appropriate for this one. Given that, we can still connect with kids and adults in meaningful ways to make our experiences at after school and theirs richer.

Here are some things to keep in mind:

1. Listen: It’s been said that the greatest gift you can give to someone is your undivided attention. Don’t underestimate the power of dropping what you’re doing to pay close attention to someone who needs you: a child, a co-worker, a parent, or someone you love. When you feel compelled to interrupt with advice, take a deep breath and keep on listening.

2. Keep Your Promises: This is so important, especially with children. Always do what you say you will. This will allow you to live at peace with yourself and to be seen as trustworthy. I once observed another teacher put off a child by saying he’d tell them a story later even though he’d promised to do it when the child first came to him. Another teacher who observed the interaction commented, “He just taught that child to lie.” I was astonished. “What do you mean?” I asked. She said, “He broke his promise and that child learned from an adult he loves that you don’t have to do what you say you will.”

3. Be Kind: Isn’t it amazing that this has to be written down? Whatever happened to simple kindness—a word of concern when someone looks tired, a compliment for a new sweater, an offer to help carry something heavy, remembering to ask about the health of someone’s parent or child, giving an easy touch on the shoulder of a child about to lose control, a gentle tone of voice, a smile with real warmth.

4. Keep Your Sense of Humor: Someone backed up the toilet in the boy’s bathroom, two staff called in sick, the licensor just arrived and Jeffrey is under the snack table refusing to come out. It’s hard to find a ray of sunshine in a scenario like that but it doesn’t make the situation any better to get angry or act defeated. It is kind of funny when you think about it. And it will pass. Tomorrow will be better.

5. Be Respectful: Everyone’s life contains the spark of humanity and for that reason alone they deserve respect. You may not agree with their politics, their religion, their tattoo or their t-shirt but they are still entitled to your respect even as you are entitled to theirs. Be gentle with everyone (including you). We’re still growing.